


tell me all the things that make you feel at ease

by PandaPaladin



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, I'll give you three guesses on how this fic ends, One Shot, it works as good as you think it does, they try to out-extra the other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 16:11:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20361358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaPaladin/pseuds/PandaPaladin
Summary: On the first night Kara can't sleep, Lena doesn't think too much about it. When it happened for the third time in a row, Lena is determined to find out what has her girlfriend up at night.





	tell me all the things that make you feel at ease

**Author's Note:**

> Funnily enough, I wrote this on a sleepless night so please ignore the majority of my chaotic word vomit.
> 
> The rating means they Fuck but not explicitly, it's only like three sentences!!! I haven't fallen to sin yet but mark my words there's a good chance my ass will slip and fall

The first time it happens, Lena tried not to think too much of it.

Obviously, being a red-caped vigilante with an atrocious reporting job would be a main cause for insomnia. Kara had warned her, long before they even moved in together, that she sometimes couldn’t sleep. At the time, Lena simply placed a sleepy kiss on her shoulder and told her it was no problem.

And it was no problem indeed. Kara would speed out of the door once or twice in the night, her super-hearing picking up on the sounds of a distressed scream or the screech of a fatal car crash. But then she’d be back on their bed, sound asleep. When she couldn’t stay unconscious, Kara would just stare at the ceiling. She never fretted, or moved so much that it woke Lena up. 

But about three years into their relationship, approximately the second year and third month they had lived together, Kara Danvers fretted.

  
She thrashed and shifted around on the bed so much that Lena let go of her waist, groggily trying to go back to sleep despite the loud creaking of their bed. They ordered the best mattress they could find on the market, but even a bed made out of a boulder wouldn’t be able to stop creaking from a restless Kryptonian.

  
“Can’t sleep?” she mumbled in the dark. She rubbed at an eye that was crusty from sleep, then blinked at the woman beside her. Kara was on her back, one arm dangling over the edge of their bed and the other limp on her stomach. She looked over at Lena, smiling apologetically.

  
“Sorry. Go back to sleep, I’ll stop moving,” she said. Then Kara reached over and planted a loving kiss on her forehead.

Lena frowned. “You can tell me anything that’s on your mind.”

“I know.” Kara sighed. She turned her body over to face Lena. An arm snaked around Lena’s waist, a familiar weight that buzzed her nerves warmly. “I can’t sleep. That’s all.”

  
_ Well, you never tossed and turned like that before, _Lena thought to herself. Seeing the muse in her eyes, Kara spoke up again. “I’m just… a bit tired. Well, no, I— I still have a lot of energy in my system, since this morning and all.”

  
Lena quirked an eyebrow. She didn’t bring up the fact that Kara contradicted herself, again for the first time in three years ever since she found out her girlfriend was Supergirl. “No more lies,” Kara had promised her that day. “I’ll never lie to you again.”

So Lena mumbled a sleepy “okay” to her, and then closed her eyes again. Kara rubbed soothing circles on her arm. Despite having the power of a legion of gods (one time Winn tested her punch strength and he informed them that she had the capability to punch a head _ clean off _), everything about Kara was soft touches and easy smiles. She held Lena’s hand like it was the most delicate thing in the world, and when she squeezed it felt like a loving kiss. There was never a time in Lena’s life that made her feel unsafe— not even when they broke the bed at the highs of orgasms or when they fought so fiercely that Lena was in her face.

Kara’s fingers drew a heart on her shoulder blade. Shivering, she made a mental note to buy some herbal tea in the morning to help Kara get some sleep. 

* * *

The next day, Lena told her assistant to buy a bulk amount of tea. When asked for how many, Lena didn’t hesitate to say twelve. Twelve dozen. Unblinking and unsurprised, Jesse called a local tea shop for twelve dozen packages of their best assortments of tea bags. 

  
Kara came home to three freshly made cups of tea. She laughed at first until she saw Lena’s face, who stared back at her with a simple arched brow. She gulped all three down within the hour. 

  
“Sleepy now?” Lena mumbled against their kiss. Like a Pavlovian dog, she yawned at her own words.

Kara chuckled, then pressed her lips against her temple. Her arm was around Lena’s shoulders, their sides sticking to each other like hot glue. It was a picture perfect night, both of them cuddled up on the couch with a rom-com and hands on their warm beverages. Lena had chosen peppermint tea, while her Kryptonian girlfriend had already tried every single flavor on their counter. She had another chocolate tea (something Lena did _ not _know they made) in her hand.

  
“A little sleepy, sure,” Kara finally answered.

Lena frowned. “Only a little?” she echoed, tilting her chin up to look into her eyes. Kara looked rather sheepish. “You went through every single packet!”

  
“Kryptonians have fast metabolisms, remember?” Kara couldn’t help but grin at her. When she saw Lena’s little glare, she grinned a little less. “Lena, you’re really sweet. Thank you so much for the tea, I mean it. But I don’t think anything on Earth could help me go back to sleep.”

The way she worded it was almost… nervous. Sad, maybe. She wanted to ask Kara about it, to maybe open up about her problems and go to sleep with a clear head, but the way Kara was glancing around like a trapped gazelle told her to keep her mouth shut. But even then, she couldn’t help but rack her brain for an answer to her girlfriend’s oddball behavior. Lena couldn’t put her tongue on it. 

Speaking of tongues— “Can I?” she purred.

  
Kara's eyes widened comically when Lena dragged a sultry finger over the skin visible in her v-neck. “You mean, can you— can you help me sleep?” Kara stammered. Her eyes steadied from her past glancing, instead watching the way Lena’s fingernail made crude, white marks on her chest. Lena hummed a yes.

Like a switch had been flicked violently to “on”, Kara grabbed her wrist and pushed her against the couch. Her eyes were steely gray in their apartment’s harsh lights, and Lena had to bite her lower lip harshly to keep from making a noise.

  
“Maybe hearing you moan out my name mightdo me some good,” Kara murmured against her neck. Lena rubbed her thighs together, exhaling hard when Kara pressed her knee between them. 

She bit down on Lena’s neck, _ hard, _and Lena couldn’t help but do just that.

As it turns out, toe-curling, neighbor-tapping-on-the-ceiling sex totally does wear out a Kryptonian.

Kara slept wonderfully by her side, soft snores coming from her mouth. Lena held back a giggle as she dragged her nails over Kara’s bare back. She smiled so hard that her cheeks were beginning to hurt, but she didn’t pay attention. All that mattered that Kara’s brief insomnia was over, and she could go back to sleep without worrying that their mattress would break from the tossing and turning. 

She slept without dreaming that night, just peaceful bliss. She was swayed out of her world and into the darkness of her apartment when she couldn’t feel warmth by her side anymore. Kara, her personal space heater, was no longer at her side. Kara’s side of the bed was cold. Lena glanced at the time. 4:37 a.m.

Lena groaned and smashed her face back into her pillow. Kara had gone out to patrol for the night, only two hours later than she did yesterday. 

* * *

The third night, Lena was helpless to do anything for her girlfriend besides cuddling up next to her and running smooth fingers over Kara’s forearm.

  
Thankfully, Kara seemed to be less fussy than the two nights before. She was still under Lena’s grasp, besides the soft ups and downs of her breathing. Lena pushed their foreheads together, and even though she knew that Kara wasn’t even close to a mind reader, she thought hard. She thought about how much Kara meant to her, how much she would throw the world away to see Kara happy and at ease.

Kara seemed to understand, at least. She was loose, her eyes closed and her face a gentle look of relaxation. She breathed softly against Lena’s face, every breath a tight rhythm in her chest.

  
Lena knew how much she liked listening to her heartbeat. So she willed her heartbeat to slow, willed it to stay steady to let Kara know that she’s drowsy, just as Kara should be. After all, hearing a heartbeat usually makes the listener mimic it.

She loved Kara so much. It hit her like a freight train, coming out of nowhere like it snuck up behind her and took her gentle thoughts of swaying waves and uniformed sheep forcibly out of her mind. She loved Kara so, _ so _much. Her smile, her unwavering optimism, her fierce selflessness— the thought of Kara’s face crinkles spiked her heartbeat. 

  
Aware of the change, Kara was quick to react. She put a hand on Lena’s waist and stiffened, eyes snapping open with the telltale look of unsweeping concern. “What happened?” she immediately asked. Her hand on Lena’s waist snuck farther back until Kara’s knuckles touched the bed behind her. “Are you— baby, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  
Her use of the pet name almost made Lena weep. They were never a couple fond of pet names; after all, the both of them agreed that their names held enough accountability, enough love for the other. 

But when the door closed and the lights went out, the glow of their hearts was too bright to cover.

“I’m more than fine,” she insisted. She truly was. Lena cupped her palm gently over Kara’s face, watching Kara’s look of concern become something softer, a look that was only meant for her. The fluttering in her chest was just as prominent as they were when Kara told her the first time what her looks meant. “I was just… thinking about you.”

Kara obviously took it the wrong way. Her lips pressed tightly, her eyebrows coming back together in slight concern. “I didn’t— I wasn’t trying to make you worry,” she said sadly. “I swear you don’t have to take care of me twenty-four seven. At night, I…”

  
“You have a lot of thoughts running through your head, I know,” Lena supplied for her. She gently smiled, brushing her knuckles over Kara’s jaw, who watched her with intent eyes. “I was thinking about you. About how much you mean to me.” She pressed a kiss on Kara’s lips to make her next point. “How much I love you.”

  
“Oh.” Kara’s little word was spoken like a sigh through the mouth. Her entire body deflated, like the intensity of the day had finally caught up to her and winded her down. “I can still do that to you?” The implication was found only in the way Kara looked at her. _ I can still make your heart jump like that? _

  
The genuine surprise in her voice made Lena want to coo. “Of course you do, Kara,” she said quietly. Her fingers never left Kara’s face. “You make me want to make an effort to be with you, every single day of my life.”

  
Kara inhaled sharply. She looked like she stopped breathing for a complete three seconds, before loosening her breath and meeting Lena’s eyes again. The arm on Lena’s waist was still swung over her protectively, and Kara made no move to remove it. She only pressed a singular kiss on Lena’s lips, the imprints of her relief evident by the way Lena’s lips tingled.

  
Like Lena had somehow untangled every loose end in Kara’s head that made her jitter at night, Kara slept like a log.

* * *

The fourth, and the fifth, and the _ sixth _night were met without incident. All three nights, Lena woke up to use the bathroom only to find her girlfriend sleeping peacefully back in their bed. It made her smile every time, completely relieved that their inching epidemic was over. Hell, on the fifth night, she had to drag Kara down by her floating wrist to make her come down. 

Lena mused if horror movie directors would ever consider casting Kryptonians.

But, by some dumb chance, Kara was thrashing on their bed again on the seventh night. Only this time, she actually broke their head board.

  
The sound of a hand quickly placing itself on top of Lena’s head made her wake up, groggy at first before yelping when she saw a large piece of wood inches away from her face, accompanied by a hand holding it up.

Her eyes followed up to the semi-panicked look of Kara, who smiled in greeting at her while she sat up on the bed. Instead of resting her back on the headboard like she usually did, she faced Kara with her back to open space. “You broke it?” she cried, stating the obvious. 

“I know, I know! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—” Kara said with much more panicked eyes.

“Kara, darling, I’m more impressed than anything else.” At her words, Kara stared at her in disbelief. Lena carried on. “I had that headboard enforced with several layers of _ steel._”

“I could still punch through it,” Kara joked.

  
“Yes we know, Supergirl,” Lena shot back, chuckling when Kara made a face at her. “But when you’re stretching? Trying to sleep?”

  
“Okay, _ I get_ _it." _Kara groaned loudly, the back of her head finding her pillow. Thankfully, that didn’t shatter under her strength like the headboard had, the broken piece still clutched in her hand. She flushed with embarrassment and Lena tried her best not to laugh. “I was trying to find a comfortable position, you know? I brought my arm up in frustration and the next thing I know, there’s a hole in the back of our bed.”

  
Surprised, Lena flicked her eyes over to the headboard. Even in the darkness and the low light of the city lamps, she could see the faint outlines of a fist-shaped hole in the plaster.

  
“I’ll get that fixed in the morning,” she assured her girlfriend. She finally let out a short laugh when Kara awkwardly tossed the piece off the side of the bed. Lena grabbed her bicep and rubbed it soothingly. “Just try and sleep, okay? We’ll forget this ever happened.”

“Like we forgot about the broken sink incident?” Kara deadpanned.

Lena laughed even louder. She plopped herself back next to Kara, and then promptly kissed her shoulder. “To be fair, it wasn’t _ our _sink,” she said in amusement. Kara grumbled. “And you broke the sink cleanly in half and flooded the bathroom.”

  
“Fine, it’s _ kinda _ funny. Happy?” Kara said, throwing her arms up _ thankfully _in the direction of the ceiling, not the wall. Even though she was meaning to sound exasperated, the mirth was clear in her voice. Lena hummed and kissed her shoulder again. It relaxed Kara, who melted against her body like they were puzzle pieces nestling together. 

“Go to sleep,” Lena said with a whine. 

“Whatever you say.”

Lena didn’t get as much sleep as her girlfriend, though she pretended as best as she could that she did. She was pretty good with faking a slow, steady heartbeat, especially after all the heart attacks Kara had managed to throw her way the past several years (seeing Kara in her work attire was one thing, but with the sleeves rolled up and a couple strands fanning her face? Good heavenly _ Lord_). 

Instead, like in true Luthor fashion, she thought of a new invention. This time, it would help aliens and humans alike to fall asleep at a much faster rate, consequences be damned.

With her thoughts running so fast, Lena didn’t realize that Kara was stroking her hair, looking just as in thought as she was. 

* * *

The following night after the headboard incident, Lena surprised her girlfriend with an appointment to the most luxurious spa she could find. Hell, Lena was so insistent about Kara's attendance that she _ personally _went to CatCo and hushed James with a steely look before taking Kara’s hand. 

When Supergirl was rang up like a damn hotel manager in the backseat of her car while they sloppily made out like teenagers, Lena plucked her phone out of Kara’s hand and told J’onn off about overworking the red-caped superhero. 

When she calmly slid Kara’s phone back into her slacks, dangerously close to territory, Kara was eyeing her with a certain look.

“What?” she asked pensively. 

  
“How long do we have until we get to the spa?” Kara’s eyes were taking in her body, her hands still resting on Lena’s shoulder and thigh. It burned madly on her skin.

Lena read her mind. A slow smile made its way to her face as she said, “Minutes. But that’s never stopped you.”

  
So with a metaphorical snap of the fingers and an order to her driver to take the longest, most slowest route to the spa, Lena Luthor was allowed the obscenity of having a strong hand shoved underneath her blouse and fingers quickly working her way to an orgasm. She patted herself on the back for thinking about putting an opaque sound-proof divider between the back seat and front. Otherwise, her poor driver would need a raise.

  
Within ten minutes they were being ushered out of the car to meet the long arches of the spa. They were twin faces of innocence when her driver opened the door, every button done up and hair mussed down to perfection. But when her driver turned to look in the other direction, Kara slyly sucked off her fingers. Lena couldn’t help but wonder if spas like this would gladly wash her clothes (and specifically, undergarments) for her. 

They were led to another room, where Lena didn’t even have to utter a single word before a professional-looking man took them to the locker rooms and repeatedly said, “It’s so good to have you here, Miss Luthor.” Kara tried not to grin idiotically at her every single time, but Lena indulged herself with swatting her girlfriend’s arm.

When they were finally underneath the warm towels and the magic hands working the knots in their shoulders, Kara finally spoke to her. She turned her head to look at Lena, arms folded under her chin. She was stomach down, the sweat sticking to her forehead.

“Why did you take me here?” she asked. Then she frowned and said, “I didn’t miss an anniversary, did I? Shoot! I’ve never missed one before. I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize, with all the work at CatCo today—”

  
“Kara, it’s not an anniversary,” Lena said with a laugh. In fact, Kara hasn’t forgotten a single one ever since they got together. “I just wanted to spoil you. Am I not allowed to do that for my girlfriend once in a while?”

Kara saw right through her. “You know the sleeping thing is just temporary, right?” she said gently. Her blue eyes flicked with golden specks, a reflection of the fireplace nearby. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

  
“There is _ never _anything wrong with you,” Lena asserted. She was shocked that Kara could even think that she thought that. “I’m worried about you, Kara. People get insomnia all the time. I just… never saw it with you,” Lena admitted quietly. And frankly enough, it kinda scared her. If nothing was truly wrong and Kara wasn’t sitting up at night thinking about her bare sins, then what was the cause of it? There was no new alien threat, no buried hatchet poking out of the ground. 

In theory, everything should be just peachy.

  
Kara, softened by the sincerity in her voice, held her hand from the short distance between their massage beds. A stern voice told her to straighten up, and Kara grinned up apologetically before giving a gentle squeeze and letting go. “I talked to Alex about it. She gave me her input and told me that it’s nothing to be too worried about. I should be back to normal when my thoughts get sorted out and I’ll be able to stop bothering you.”

  
Lena didn’t like the way she phrased it. “You are normal, Kara.” Then she frowned. “None of this is bothering me. Yes, I’m worried about you, I always am, but that never means you bother me.”

Before Kara could say anything, an unfamiliar twang went through Lena’s system when the masseuse dug her elbow close to her shoulder blade. Kara had a near identical reaction to her, both of them groaning softly and melting into the bed like ice cream. The entire time, Lena was worried that the massage wouldn’t affect her as a Kryptonian, but fortunately her hypothesis had been false.

They laughed about it together, until a strange, overly dressed man burst into their quite private session. The women massaging them didn’t react and Kara’s eyes only flitted suspiciously over to him for a brief moment, considering him a non-threat. He crouched right next to Lena’s face, which nearly made her burst out laughing. 

The man started thanking her about supporting his business before enthusiastically shaking the hand that Lena offered him half-heartedly. When he left, Kara was staring holes into the back of her head.

  
“You bought the spa, didn’t you?” 

Lena turned to face her with an innocent smile. “Well… more like endorsed.”

Kara groaned, before groaning much more satisfactory at the spot her masseuse dug into, then pressed her forehead against the bed. _ “Lena.” _ Her whiny voice was muffled through the sheets.

  
Lena chuckled, holding back a guffaw. “Oops?”

_ “Lenaaa!” _

“I love you,” she said with a purr, doing her best to distract her girlfriend.

  
Kara only grumbled playfully, her words sounding like a mix between “I lo’you too” and “I hate you.”

Both of them went back into their apartment with jelly bones. The spa was so good, in fact, that Kara dropped their keys a total of seven times before managing to shove into the keyhole and plopping uselessly on their mattress. When soft snores filled the air, Lena smiled and put a blanket over her girlfriend. 

Something told her that this wouldn’t last long, so she continued on with her idle sketches of a prototype Make-A-Kryptonian-Sleep-Inator (the name needed some tweaking).

When Kara turned in the middle of the night, Lena was there to rub her back in an instant. Kara opened a weathered eye, squinting in the darkness. When her eyes finally caught up to the scene, she smiled warmly at Lena. Lena bent over and kissed her forehead. 

  
“What are you doing?” Kara asked her with a slur, voice croaky from sleep.

  
“Just… some work stuff,” Lena answered carefully. She closed her journal and set it aside on her nightstand. “But I’m going to sleep now. Like you should.”

“I am,” Kara whined. She turned on her shoulder, fully facing Lena as she wiggled into the blanket. 

“So no more taking off into the middle of the night?”

  
“Promise.” Kara yawned to make her point. Lena planted a kiss on her nose, which made Kara crack a little half smile. “Can I ask you something before we go to sleep?”

  
“Anything you want.”

  
Kara hesitated. Before Lena could sit up and ask her what was wrong, Kara’s voice came in a small whisper, like she was afraid of that Lena would hear her. “Does it bother you that I haven’t told you what’s been on my mind?”

Lena rubbed her arm soothingly. Kara leaned into the touch, and it made her heart melt even more. Even in the darkness, her blue eyes peered into hers with a touch of brilliance. “Your secrets are for you to tell,” she said truthfully. It was like déjà vu, when they were nearly broken in half over Kara’s lifelong secret and she had to learn that lesson on her own. “If you don’t want to tell me what’s been on your mind, I just hope you told someone else about it. I care about you, Kara. More than anything else.”

Kara’s eyes looked mournful. “It isn’t that I don’t trust you,” she mumbled, taking hold of Lena’s hand on the pillow between them, “I trust you the most, actually. I don’t know how to… tell you, I guess. But I will. I promise. You’ll be the _ first _one I tell.”

  
The sincerity in her voice made Lena regret the little scraps of irritation she had about Kara’s veiled problems. “You haven’t even told Alex?” she said gently.

  
Kara pursed her lips. “Kinda,” she finally settled on saying. “She was nice about it at least. But I know I’d feel better once I tell you.”

_ So why can’t you just tell me? _

Lena shut out those thoughts once Kara pressed a gentle kiss on her lips. It was a goodnight kiss and a message rolled into one, lips so cool and earnest against hers that every little problem in Lena’s head dissipated. 

“I trust you,” Lena told her quietly. She didn’t know where it came from, or why she said it— but it felt important to establish it again.

  
She knew she made the right choice when Kara slumped, looking obviously relieved. 

* * *

Lena had to go away on a two day business trip to Rome. It wasn’t uncommon for her to travel so often nowadays, and they had made a compromise a long time ago to video call at least once during her trip and spam each other with pictures of their surroundings. Sometimes, Kara would come visit her as Supergirl to steal a kiss during one of her longer trips. Lena never minded it.

Until today, when Supergirl knocked on her balcony door at 4:48 a.m. with gifts and a sheepish smile.

  
“I brought you something,” Kara murmured, planting a kiss on her cheek. “You can go back to sleep after I drop these off?”

  
“Kara, it’s four in the morning,” Lena accused. She placed a hand on Kara’s chest, over the House of El. “You should be in National City. What are you doing here?”

  
Then that’s when she noticed. With the sun rising ever so slowly, she could see the outlines of Kara’s face. She looked like a raccoon with dark ringlets under her eyes and a smile that bore the weight of Lena’s sleepless college days. Even though her hair was perfect as ever, it looked dull under the morning sun.

  
“I should be, yeah.” Kara had the audacity to grin at her. Lena stepped back and surveyed what was in her arms. One arm was tucked neatly behind her back, and the one visible to her was presenting a box of chocolates. She recognized the brand from anywhere in the world. Those were her favourite chocolates— from _ Belgium. _“But I couldn’t stop my patrol without coming to see you first.”

  
“You haven’t… stopped patrolling?” Lena looked at her in shock. Realizing that she had given herself away, Kara looked back at her with wide, darting eyes. “Did you even _ sleep? At all?'"_

  
“I mean— kinda? I— well, I took a nap in Pa— apartment, my— no, our—” Kara stammered.

  
“Paris? You took a nap in _ Paris?”_

Lena was connecting the dots. Slowly, and ashamedly, Kara untucked her arm from behind her back. She presented a bouquet of flowers with maple syrup tucked under her elbow. Pressed to her chest were more items: kiwi from Italy, port wine, whiskey stones from Ireland, Camembert cheese— 

“Ta da?” Kara said unenthusiastically, wincing at Lena’s glare. 

Before anger could rise and spill over the edges of Lena’s pot, she closed the lid on it. She inhaled for a long time, before exhaling in a quick breath. She rubbed at her tired eyes, then quietly said, “You should come inside.”

Kara perked up at that. “You’re— you’re not mad at me?” she asked hopefully.

“Don’t get your hopes up.” 

Lowering her head like a kicked puppy, Kara drifted herself into the inside of her hotel room. Lena surveyed the outside before clicking the balcony’s sliding windows shut. She pivoted on a heel, watching Kara dump all her gifts onto a desk nearby. She waited until Kara was done (who was obviously doing it as slowly as she could), then finally spoke her mind.

  
“Kara, what on _ Earth _ were you thinking?” she began hotly, stalking towards her girlfriend with the same air as she had in the conference room— calculating, self-assured. It made Kara grimace. “I understand that Kryptonians have a plethora of privileges, but sleep is _ not. _ What could’ve happened if you fell asleep at the wrong time? When you’re higher than the Empire State Building? When you’re at work, when Kara Danvers has no immunity to her day job? Do you know what could’ve _ happened _to you?”

  
“I wasn’t meaning to,” Kara said weakly. She was twiddling her thumbs, which looked ridiculous while she was in her Supergirl costume. “I tried to go to sleep, I swear. I even— I just thought that patrolling for a while could help me. But then an hour became two, and then I was in Paris to grab you something as a surprise, then…”

  
“Why can’t you just tell me what’s _ wrong? _” she blurted out, her words coming out shaky. Lena’s eyes burned with an onslaught of tears. She blinked them away rapidly, turning her head when Kara stiffened in surprise to fix her bed— just to do something with her shaking hands.

  
“Lena, I…” Kara swallowed hard. She stood awkwardly by Lena’s side while she flattened out her sheets. “I don’t really understand what the big deal is. It’s not like I’m hiding Supergirl from you, I just have some insomnia.”

Every word came rushing out of Lena’s mouth like a whirlwind of her locked away boxes. She put every negative thought about this exact situation in the darkest corners of her mind, so sure that they’d never come out. So sure that Kara would never hear them from the void. But now they were standing there, in a hotel in Rome, with her words accompanied by the tone of a sharp knife.

  
“You’re right, this isn’t like when you kept Supergirl from me, because back then you were my friend,” she said furiously, turning on her heel to look at Kara. “You know what you are to me now, Kara? You’re the woman I’m committed to. _ Dedicated _ to. Do you know what it’s like, being afraid of every part of your every day, because the woman you love is both warmly loved and viciously hated by the entire universe— hell, across _ multiverses? _ And out of nowhere, she— she can’t _ sleep _ and she won’t even tell you why even though she’s smart enough to realize that _ I can tell _ whenever she runs out of that door, whenever she moves around the mattress, whenever she—” Lena’s body shook with the force of her tears. She sniffed hard, willing her body to stop _ fucking crying. _

  
“Lena…” 

  
“You can tell me over and over that you trust me, Kara,” Lena said quietly, “but whenever you fly out of our window instead of just… _ telling me— _ it really, _ really _ hurts.” It’s not like Kara owed her anything. No, never. But the selfish part of her had been festering in her chest ever since the first day Kara couldn’t sleep properly. She brushed it off as a mere insecurity at first, that the obvious reason was that Kara was allowed to act human, but for now it feels like _ more. _

Like Kara was intentionally hiding something from her. 

  
She didn’t even realize she was sitting on the edge of her bed until Kara gripped her hand, her thumb stroking over the hot skin on her wrist. A few tears had managed to wedge itself away from Lena. When Lena looked up to face her, Kara only looked back with heartache. Regret. _ Guilt. _

  
“I never meant to hurt you,” Kara whispered. She brought Lena’s hand up to her lips and pressed a gentle kiss. The way her eyes looked into hers, blue into green, blue glowing dark in the gloom of her room— it was the same way she confessed to her about her feelings. Sad and resigned, as if she already predicted Lena’s flat answer. 

  
“I know.” Lena squeezed her eyes shut for a long moment. When she opened them again, Kara was still looking at her. Still sad, still worried enough about her to stay behind no matter what she says. And that was why she loved Kara so sincerely. Why she would gladly trade her life for hers at any given moment.

  
“I’m really sorry,” Lena said again. The regret for her irrational words came in waves. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like you owed me a reason for everything.”

“I mean, if I were you, I probably would’ve acted the same way,” Kara told her with a chuckle. Her hand was still firmly on top of Lena’s. “I don’t blame you. So, um…” Without another word, she held up her pinky finger. 

Lena looked down at her finger and then back at her face. “You want to pinky swear with me?” she mused.

  
“Definitely.” She smiled more genuinely at her. She wiggled her pinky finger. “I pinky promise that I’ll tell you soon. That once I figure everything out myself, you’ll be the first person I tell.” Lena frowned at her for that. She didn’t even realize that Kara was a valuable factor in all of this. That Kara still needed to figure this out for herself. It made her stomach churn with even more regret. 

  
She hooked her pinky with Kara’s without speaking. It made Kara smile. 

“Go get dressed,” she advised, kicking Kara’s flashy red boot with a bare sole. “I have some extra pajamas in the top cabinet.”

Kara smiled in relief, pecked a kiss on Lena’s head, then got up to change. Even though Kara had every right to use super speed, she told Lena a long time ago that she preferred taking her time. Especially when she was with Lena. At the time, Kara just shrugged and said that she didn’t want Lena to feel inferior or like she needed to “catch up” with Kara’s world. 

Feeling much braver and lighter than she was five minutes ago, Lena strode over to her. Kara had no shirt or bra on, already done with the pajama pants and onto the long sleeves that came with it. Her muscular skin flexed with easy effort of unfolding the shirt. 

Lena came behind her and wrapped her arms around Kara’s waist. Instead of stiffening, Kara softened under her touch, like she had been longing for it. It was a very true possibility, considering that Lena still missed her hugs whenever she went a day without them. She nuzzled her nose into the skin between Kara’s shoulder and neck, fingers grazing over Kara’s bare stomach, making the smitten Kryptonian shiver. 

  
She kissed the nape of Kara’s neck lovingly, moving the golden locks aside with her knuckles. She loved little moments like these, when nothing was to be expected from either of them and they were allowed to do whatever they wished, or nothing at all. In a world where her girlfriend was a crime-fighting hero and she was one of, if not _ the, _most influential women on the market, idle nights like these were a gift from above.

  
She quickly took back her chiding about Kara flying halfway across the world for her.

“Can I ask you something before we doze off swaying like this?” Kara asked her, her voice muffled with sleepiness. Lena opened her eyes with a start. They were indeed swaying, just slightly, with Kara’s hands over her own while she held onto Kara’s waist like a lifeline. It made her feel drowsy, and Kara seemed to fall victim to it as well.

  
“You really like asking me questions now,” Lena teased, referring to the night of their spa date. “So dedicated to your job that you take your reporting duties to the bedroom?”

“Rao, no.” Kara laughed at the prospect of it. Then she flirtily added, “Unless that’s a kink you wanna try out.”

  
Lena swatted at her hip bone. “Kara!” she scolded.

  
“I’m kidding, sorry, sorry.” Kara could barely contain her laughter. She pivoted around to face Lena, wrapping her own arms around her waist. “So, bed?”

  
Lena only arched an eyebrow.

  
  
“Sleep,” Kara clarified. “But I mean…?”

  
Chuckling, Lena kissed her on the lips. Kara automatically smiled against it, and it made Lena’s heart flutter uselessly at her chest. “Tell me about whatever it is you wanted to ask me first,” Lena mumbled against their lips.

  
Kara cleared her throat. “It’s… kinda like… a couple things,” she said slowly, smiling as if it made up for it. It did, though Lena didn’t admit it out loud. She only hummed her response, a little _ go ahead _ in mumbled speech. So Kara continued on, just as painfully awkwardly as before, “Do you— I don’t _ know, _ maybe— um, see _ uhhh _a future… with— with me?”

“What kind of question is that?” Lena said indignantly. Kara stiffened slightly under her arms. “_Of course _ I do.” Then, more quietly like she was admitting a sin, she muttered, “You were… actually the first person I saw it with. And the only one now.”

  
Kara looked immensely shocked at her news. “Not even Jack?” she pried.

  
“In my defense, I thought I did!” Lena persisted, which made Kara snort a laugh. “He was, I don’t know, _ comfortable, _in a way. I was comfortable with him.”

  
The face Kara made at her was precarious. As if waiting for Lena to land a blow to her face. “And you’re not… comfortable with me?”

  
Lena’s pause made Kara deflate. Not in the sense of contentment that was evident in her face and body language after curling up in Lena’s lap, but in the sense that she was foiled, a beaten _“oh” _ to the face of a eureka. It made Lena want to grab her face and kiss her until she understood that her pause meant she was thinking hard for the right words, because every part of her body held so much _ love _ that speaking now meant her words will come out too wrong for her feelings to do it justice.

  
  
“You make me feel like I could fly,” Lena finally said. Her eyes never left the pool of blue. “That I could be greater, and stronger, and better than my family and that— that not being like you doesn’t mean I’m powerless. When I’m with you, it’s like I could _ breathe, _Kara. That I could love you, and be with you, and nothing gets to hold me back from it.” 

She didn’t mention how she could visualize Kara’s hand hoisting her up after every fall in her step with vivid clarity. How Kara’s radiant smile and even brighter personality was a gift that she adamantly refuses to neglect.

When Kara actually says _ “Oh” _that time, it sounds less disappointed and more like wonder. Like a eureka that Kara had been waiting for. She told Lena soon after that she had conveniently forgotten the rest of her questions. 

Kara slept like a rock that night, and Lena abandoned her rough sketches of her latest invention in favor of carding her fingers through a superhero’s golden locks. 

* * *

The next five nights were… strange, to say the least.

After realizing that every single tea packet was empty from their cupboards once Lena had come home, she promptly ordered a second batch of tea, twelve more dozen to be exact. She argued with herself about buying the tea shop all together, before deciding not to (but she almost, _ almost _did).

  
Even though Kara slept better after Lena’s first night in Rome (Lena had made a show of calling her with the DEO line on her last day out of the country to make sure Kara really slept), Lena could tell that something was still prodding at her.

She fretted, slightly less than before, but with a vigor that Lena recognized as _ excitement. _

On the second night, Lena was woken up by Kara shaking her shoulder gently. She smiled apologetically at her before planting a warm kiss on Lena’s sleepy lips, then explained that she needed to meet with J’onn about something odd in the atmosphere. 

  
“It’s nothing dangerous! Just a meeting,” she said quickly, when Lena almost bolted upwards in alarm. Lena eased herself back into bed. “And I’ll be back before you know it. I just wanted to wake you up so you know. ‘Love you, bye.” Then they kissed again, despite Lena’s sleepy demeanor, and Supergirl sped out of their apartment with speed that rivaled their old speedy cowled friend. 

_ Who runs out that fast for a meeting? _Lena mused to herself. She placed a pillow on top of her head and rolled over. She couldn’t stop the small smile from reaching her face. She thought about Kara’s consideration for her while she drifted off to sleep.

On the third and fourth night, Kara asked her out for dinner and a night stroll respectively. She was unbearably flushed the entire time, though she insisted it was from the most recent alien fight she had. Kara wouldn’t meet her eyes for both nights, and when they went home, she squirmed with a certain air of disappointment before smiling and asking Lena to cuddle with her.

Again, she kept tossing and turning.

  
On the fifth night, Lena was absolutely fed up. She almost snapped at a young intern during one of her R&D meetings, and genuinely snapped a pencil in half while she idly looked through articles about sleeping tricks. She bought a fluffier mattress, despite theirs already sucking them five inches into the mattress. She even had their apartment _ doused _ in the scent of lavender. 

But Kara only laughed, albeit nervously, and kissed the top of her head for her gestures.

  
Lena was determined to finally find the root cause of Kara’s insomnia and stomp on it like an unwanted house guest, even if it was the last thing she did. She visited Brainy first, aware of his bluntness with facts— only to be frustrated when he aloofly told her, “Kara told me not to say anything and made me swear on my dead body to never speak a word about it. So I made it that whenever I’m about to expose her secret, I combust.” 

She faced Alex next, who smiled coolly at her and promptly said, “She hasn’t said anything? What a dumbass.” then walked away.

  
Growing extremely dismayed by the entire situation, she told Jess to clear her schedule and forced her legs to take her home. Groaning, Lena shed her coat and face planted right on her pillow, the mattress bouncing back with the force. She stayed there, inhaling the mingled scent of her body and Kara’s perfume, before turning over to face the ceiling. 

  
She sighed and got up to make herself a quick sandwich and dressed down to sweats and Kara’s sweater. All she could think about was stealing Kara’s spare recorder right now to document her thoughts, all the way from how she was thinking about forcing Kara to yoga and how she wanted to speed the process up with the Make-A-Kryptonian-Sleep-Inator by shoving Kara in a room with the stuff at night.

  
When Lena checked her phone, it was full of texts from Kara mid-fight, taking a selfie beside an unconscious burglar in an alley and other selfies featuring different “evil-doers”, as Kara phrased it. She sent a couple hearts and a reminder for her hero girlfriend to be careful, before setting it down to order some pricey Thai food for Kara to feast on.

Lena had so much time to herself that she was able to triple check her documents, _ twice, _making it six times she scoured her eyes over stocks and numbers. 

Around midnight, with Kara still gone and the news channels still praising Supergirl for a job well done and without a scratch on her body, Lena was dead tired. She stretched her arms high over her head, yawning wide. She pushed her laptop underneath their mattress, before popping back up and looking at her messy bed with a quirked eyebrow.

  
She decided that she’d sleep on Kara’s side of the bed that night. If Kara was going to stay out there for so long, then she deserved it, Lena reasoned with herself. And then in the morning she could continue working on finding a cure for Kara’s Kryptonian insomnia, then everything will go back to normal.

Lena tucked an arm underneath Kara’s pillow and settled in, fluttering her eyes shut. She was so comfortable that she barely registered the feeling of something hard underneath the pillow, until she shifted her fingers ever so slightly and it brushed against something velvety.

Inhaling sharply, Lena cracked her eyes open. She moved her hand underneath the pillow, almost frantically, until she gripped onto something small. It fit in the palm of her hand exactly, the surface silken and smooth but too hard to be something like a plush toy that Kara was always so fond of. 

Lena’s heartbeat picked up so fast that she wondered if halfway across the city, Kara was able to hear it.

She sat up, her shoulder pressed against the new headboard and strands of hair obscuring her vision, but Lena could barely make a move to shake it out of her eyes. Her hand gripping the touch of the object was still under the pillow, hidden from sight. She could barely breathe, her thoughts suddenly turning into garbles as she tried hopelessly to make sense of what she was holding.

She knew that her answer was only a move away, but Lena couldn’t make her arm bend to her will. She wanted the validation of being right. She also _ desperately _didn’t want the shame that went with her being wrong. 

Her thumb rubbed over the top of the object. Silky, just like the rest of its surface, but there was a divot along the middle of it. A line, all the way around until she could feel the cool touch of metal behind it. It was a small box, meant to feel sleek and luxurious in the holder’s hand, and also meant to be opened, _ presented. _

The sound of her girlfriend touching down on their linoleum startled her. She meant to bring her hand away, to let go of the box that was in the vice of her grip. But instead Lena brought it out with her, while she tore her hand away from Kara’s pillow like it was cursed.

  
“Lena, hey!” Kara said joyfully. She took a step towards her, hands coming off her hips. The night made it hard for Lena to see her face, and she was suddenly thankful that Kara probably couldn’t see her panicked eyes either. “I was wondering if you were asleep. I thought I heard your heartbeat pick up from across the city, and I got a little worried, so I… I…”

When her eyes finally settled on Lena’s face, it dropped in awareness of the situation. She looked down at the engagement box settled in Lena’s whitened grip. 

  
In a blink, Lena was looking at Kara, out of her Supergirl get-up, and into a formal blazer and undershirt with sleek, black pants that Lena was _ sure _she had never bought for her before. 

“Why did you— why did you change?” Lena asked in confusion.

  
“I don’t know! I panicked!” Kara’s eyes were huge, comparable to the width of Lena’s. “I didn’t— I was trying to _ hide it— _and— I, um— I had this all planned but now I can’t—”

  
“Kara.” Her name was slow on Lena’s tongue. Drawled out, like she was dreaming and half believing that her entire existence was even real. “Was the reason you couldn’t sleep because you… wanted to _ propose to me? _”

  
“Sorry!” The word was out of Kara’s mouth in a quick flash. Then she kept blabbing on, shaking her head and clutching her arms near her chest defensively, like she couldn’t believe the situation herself. “I’m sorry, it’s— it’s stupid, I know. Right? Right, you agree. It’s too soon, I kept thinking it was too soon. And we never even talked about it, and I didn’t want to ask you without even touching base on it and— and your last engagement was for a Daxamite betrothal! Like _ what? _ You probably hate the idea of getting married, and we’re so happy now, and _ I’m _happy, and I love you, and this was so stupid, I should probably go and return the ring. Yeah? Yeah, I’ll—”

  
“Kara!” Lena was shaking. She dropped the engagement box on the spot in front of her, closer to Kara. The action seemed to be the last nail in Kara’s coffin, because she winced, and— Lena was definitely not having that. “I’m in sweats.”

“You’re in—?” Kara frowned at her. Then the light bulb went over her head and she went, “Oh, right!” 

  
Lena didn’t even feel anything as she was unceremoniously picked up and brought down in a new outfit, a low-cut black dress that hugged her curves and indulged her plunging neckline. Kara’s eyes widened at her subconscious choice out of outfit, then changed Lena out again, in fluffy pajama pants imprinted with bright stars and red silk with a sweater that was just as loose-fitting as the last.

  
Kara gulped. “Well, I mean… it’s not sweatpants?”

  
And for once since the entire charade began, Lena laughed. It brought tears to her eyes and Kara instinctively caught her in her arms, holding her tight with eyes still as wide as ever. Lena sobered up quickly when she remembered the situation. 

  
“You want to marry me,” Lena breathed out. It felt like she was jinxing it for saying it out loud. That if she spoke any louder, all of this would be gone. 

  
Kara, for every inch of her life, looked entirely nervous. “Yeah. I do,” she said softly. Lena’s hands rested on her chest, limp. She pondered if the quick heartbeat she could feel in her fingertips were Kara’s or her own. “I really wanna— I mean, if you…”

  
“So for the past month, you’ve been— you haven’t been able to sleep because of _ this?"_ Lena openly gawked at her. 

  
Kara cowered under her look. “It’s stupid, I told you,” she said, her words deflated and sad. Lena realized that she wasn’t wearing her glasses. There was no obstruction keeping her from staring at how strikingly _ wistful _Kara looked. “Can we maybe just forget about this? Please? I don’t have anything keeping me from sleep anymore.”

  
When Kara shimmied herself out of Lena’s space, Lena snapped back from the delusions she was in. She held Kara by the waist, silently pleading her to stay there, to stop shifting her eyes away from hers like looking at Lena would warrant her a reason to put pressure on their reality.

  
“I didn’t even tell you what my answer was,” Lena reminded her gently.

  
The hope that sparked in Kara’s face lit Lena up like a match. “Really?”

  
Lena laughed, bringing a hand up to Kara’s face to caress her cheek. She planted a kiss on the corner of Kara’s lips, teasing and playful. “You haven’t asked me anything,” she said.

“Shoot!” Kara’s little swear made her snort. Everything pressing down on Lena’s shoulders suddenly felt like feathers. When Kara shifted from side to side on each foot, holding Lena’s two hands with the engagement box just a mere foot away, it made Lena want to tackle her into the bed. 

  
After a couple seconds of silence, Kara spoke up, sounding apprehensive and embarrassed. She scratched a spot on her neck, a flush catching up to her face. “I had an entire speech planned out for this. But I never… really did this before,” she admitted quietly.

  
“Well, I was hoping you didn’t,” Lena joked. When Kara refused to smile wider or giggle, she kissed her firmly. _ That _was finally what made Kara smile. “And if it helps, no matter how you say it, my answer will always be yes.” She didn’t think it was even possible to say no to Kara.

  
However, Kara still looked at her with a bunched up brow and a chewed lower lip. “I don’t want to force you into this,” she admitted.

  
Kara, the same girl who still asked her for kisses and checked up on her everyday about her well-being, _ forcing _her into anything? It was impossible. “You could never,” she insisted.

  
“We never talked about this,” Kara blurted.

  
“We’re talking about it now.”

“This could change _ so much_.”

  
“And I want it to.” Lena melted into the look Kara gave her. “I want people to see me or you and automatically think of the other. I want people to look at me and see the ring on my finger and know that my wife is the most amazing life-changer in the universe.”

  
Kara shivered at her words. She pressed their foreheads together, carefully at first, until they were so close together that Lena could feel every hitch in her breath.

"And it's not like we haven't acted married already," Lena pointed out. "We have a joint bank account. Like an old couple."

Kara laughed sincerely. She squeezed Lena's hands. “How about we sleep on it? Maybe make it official after a good cup of coffee and I’m not five seconds away from fainting on the spot from agitation?” she compromised. “I feel sleepy.”

  
Lena laughed at her words. She kissed her swiftly, then offhandedly agreed by saying, “Well, I do need to be refreshed to tell my team about maybe scrapping a four million dollar prototype.”

  
Kara gaped at her. “What?”

  
“Nothing, darling.”

Kara nuzzled her. She let go of Lena’s hands, then sighed contently. “If I wake up and you end up being my fiancée in the morning, it’s all over for me.”

“Go to sleep first, then we’ll see,” Lena told her with a hum. She never saw a Kryptonian dive for a bed faster than Kara did once her words left her lips. She prayed that the engagement ring wouldn’t be lost under their duvet. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have tomatoes for sale to throw at me in the comments, or you can do it at my tumblr, @cosmiccaptain!


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